Here to Stay (2009)

Venerable newscaster Norm Archer reports the latest news in politics, health, culture and entertainment - such as an automotive recall of decapitation-inducing "Neckbelts" and a study finding that "depression hits losers hardest". This compilation of bogus news stories, celebrity profiles, movie trailers and skits come courtesy of the ace satirists at The Onion.

"The Wild Soccer Bunch" celebrate their last victory against the "Silver Lights" - and set one record in volley-pass game after another in the forest. But they are not alone: Vampires target the team. To lure them into their bunker, they kidnap Leon. Will Vanessa ever see him again?

After inheriting the family mortuary, a pyrophobic mortician accidentally exposes hundreds of un-cremated bodies to toxic medical waste. As the corpses re-animate, the mortician's inheritance-seeking younger brother unexpectantly shows up, stumbling upon a full zombie outbreak!

Jake Kimble, the sole survivor of the Chicago massacre, is killed while in solitary confinement. His doctor begins investigating the claims he made about a long-haired woman in white, as a mysterious Japanese woman arrives at his old apartment building to help them get rid of the curse.

Due to a female passenger falling out of her top whilst running for the bus Stan is distracted and crashes the bus resulting in the depot managers car being written off. As a result Stan, Jack and Blakey are fired. Stan and Jack soon get new jobs as a bus crew at a Pontins holiday resort but discover that Blakey has also gotten a job there as the chief security guard.

Small town in Italy, end of the 19th century. Luciano, a drunk, doesn't fit in the town. Rebelion against authority and a forbidden love makes him to commit a crime accidentally. To pay for his crime, he is forced into exile on the most remote island in the world, Argentina’s Tierra del Fuego. The hunt for the shipwreck treasure hidden on the island becomes his opportunity for redemption.

They get ready to kiss, begin to kiss, and kiss in a way that brings down the house every time.

After nearly two decades of legendary criminal feats, making him France's most notorious criminal while simultaneously feeding his desire for media attention and public adoration, Mesrine becomes increasingly paranoid and isolated, leading to a dramatic confrontation with the law that ultimately seals his fate as the nation's most infamous public enemy.

On a turn-of-the-20th-century northern Italian farm, a group of sharecroppers eke out a threadbare existence. A priest advises Batisti and his wife Batistina that their young son Minec should be formally educated, so they sacrifice his help in the fields and send him to school. When Minec's wooden shoe breaks one day, Batisti--in an act of desperation--puts the family's future at risk to replace the clog.

John Reilly discovers that his family's newly inherited castle in Italy is haunted by a relentless, bloodthirsty creature.