Conrad & Crab – Idiotic Gems (2026)

Grégoire Lecomte, the unlucky actor anxious to find a "real job", goes to take a screen test for a role of a killer, but gets to mafiosi by mistake. He takes their don for a producer, and they mistake him for a hitman with whom they had an appointment. Deluded Lecomte signs contract with them. He is supposed to kill gun dealer Otto Krampe at his birthday party in Saint-Tropez by piercing him with a cap of the umbrella with a built-in syringe with potassium cyanide. Lecomte is not aware that it has to be a real murder.

When the local police inspector was found dead in a prostitute's house, police division commissioner Stan Borowitz is sent to investigate the situation. Posing as the prostitute's long-lost brother "Antonio Cerruti," he discovers a mare's nest of police corruption. In fact, in this comedy thriller the whole town is corrupt. If they were closely examined, Stan's methods for pursuing this investigation might embarrass the police. For instance, he drives into a criminal's house in a fancy, expensive race car. In another incident, he callously blows up a casino owned by Musard , one of the town's crime bosses. On that occasion, he first forces Musard to remove his clothes, and the poor criminal watches his casino explode from across the square while standing naked in a phone booth. Meanwhile, Stan seduces the lovely Edmonde.

The story takes place in the racecourses around Paris. A so-called major sells his tips to naive characters.

Three little criminals get a tip for a great coup with lots of money in it. Unfortunately they lack the starting funds to buy the required welding torch. So they persuade their successful colleague Alphonse to join their team. But the well thought-out coup fails, and Alphonse is the only one of them who ends up in jail for several years. When he's released, he's out for revenge.

Dressed as a clown, the clever rascal Grimm holds up the most secure bank of Montreal and takes 30 hostages. While confusing and ridiculing the police with his strange behavior, he calmly manages to rid the bank of a fortune. But then an unsatisfied companion arouses trouble...

Victor Vautier is incorrigible: he's in constant motion, working several cons at once, using different names and changing disguises. He's charming and outrageous, incapable of uttering a sentence that isn't embellished or an outright lie. His life goal is to make enough money to build a sea wall to protect Mont-Saint-Michel. Charlotte, a parole officer, shows up: she's young and seems taken in by Victor. He discovers she lives above the Senlus Museum, where her parents are the curators. With two pals he decides to steal a priceless El Greco triptych and then ransom it back to the cultural ministry. What will Charlotte do when she realizes he's used her to make a fortune?

Campana, a commissar at the drugs bureau of Paris police gets an undercover job in Nice to catch an Italian-French mafia boss. As he slips into the identity of a gangster's brother, who was already killed, he has to play the role of a loving husband with child - something that is not so easy for a confirmed single like Campana. Unfortunately American killers chase behind the Nice mafia clan too, in order to get control of French drug trades to USA.

A group of bad cops look to dispose of a body that one of them accidentally shot.

On an ordinary night, in an ordinary part of town, a beautiful young woman walks into a bar. Her name is Jewel, and before long she is chatting to bartender Randy. The pair leave together, but he ends up getting into a tussle with her criminal boyfriend, who she then shoots dead, later persuading Randy to take the rap for her. But this isn't the end of it, as both Randy's cousin Carl and the detective assigned to the murder case also fall for Jewel's charms and find themselves caught up in the ensuing events. It seems that any man who meets Jewel falls instantly in love with her, and she's going to use this fully to her own advantage, leaving a trail of havoc in her wake. It also seems that she is going to get away with it - that is, until Randy decides to hire a hitman...

An honest, goodhearted man is forced to turn to a life of crime to finance his neurotic mother's skyrocketing medical bills.